Boundaries are where a healthy Self starts
I came across this particular paragraph as I was reading Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Though the book is written more in the context of the Biblical teachings, the points made about boundaries are invaluable and relevant in our fast-paced modern lives. Lacking boundaries could lead to external and internal problems with the Self and others.
We juggle and struggle with priorities, needs, wants and desires everyday. Not just ours, but of friends and family members. Boundaries get blurred a lot. Somehow I can see myself dealing with many of the situations described in the book. Personally and professionally. The book helps to clarify internal issues with over-responsibility, guilt and shame. It gives insight on why certain people are ‘open’ to emotional manipulations and abuses; well, thanks to their childhood. Generally, they have ‘porous’ boundaries due to poor boundary setting learned in their childhood.
Keeping the good in and letting the bad out is essential
Boundaries are drawn by Self to ‘keep the good in and let the bad out’. Boundaries are not fixed for life, can be re-negotiated at appropriate times. Setting boundaries–mental, emotional and physical–help to define and refine Self as one grows older. As one continues practising boundary setting, one becomes more aware and responsible to own needs, resources and limits. One would be more receptive on using own talents for productive, healthy and balanced living. Creating boundaries helps us to respond to others in a sincere and loving manner.
One of the significant relationships in life is a parent-child relationship. Out of love, some parents are still supporting their children. They support the ‘acceptable’ lifestyle of their 20-, 30- or even 40-year old children by paying for phones, computers, car installments, rents and holidays. The list goes on… Sometimes, the grown-up children are living with their parents and enjoying the illusionary protective shell of parents’ home. Afraid to venture to the outside world. Interestingly, there are parents who refuse to let their children to leave the nest. Afraid of the ’empty-nest’ syndrome. Accordingly, these adults’ capacity and abilities are likely to be hardly stretched and grown since childhood. Many tend to exhibit signs of childish adults. Afraid to pay for own failures…
In sum, boundaries are necessary for Self. Though the lessons in boundaries starts at home, one can continue to define, clarify, correct/repair own boundaries. A good film to watch is the Korean Spring, Summer, Winter… and Spring. A simple ‘No’ is often sufficient–the first step towards leading a healthy and happy life with oneself and others.